PTSD - Asking For Help Is Not Weakness
Oct 8, 2015 22:15:53 GMT -6
Post by Moderator on Oct 8, 2015 22:15:53 GMT -6
PTSD - Asking For Help Is Not Weakness
By Jeff Seeber
(Originally posted on Facebook on October 7, 2015)
I just spent three hours exchanging messages with a guy who reached the end of his rope tonight. His wife is a Facebook friend of mine and reads the stuff I write, so she contacted me. She convinced her husband to talk to me. After he unloaded some of his demons and I was somewhat sure I had gained his trust, I asked him the same series of questions I ask just about every other Veteran when they're having problems.
I began with "Why didn't you reach out to someone before it got to this point?" The answer is almost always "Because I wanted to handle it myself" or "I didn't want my buddies to think I'm weak."
I can't tell you how mad it makes me when I hear that. Of course, I control my anger and then ask a series of questions that goes something like this ...
Did you get through boot by yourself?
Did you get through advanced training by yourself?
Did you deploy by yourself?
Did you go on patrols (or go on convoys) by yourself?
When the shooting started, did you return fire by yourself?
When your buddy was hit (or when the IED exploded), did you run to help him by yourself?
I ask each question and wait for an answer before asking the next one. Obviously the answers are all "No". Then I ask, "Then why should you try to handle the demons by yourself?"
Everything about serving in the military, especially during war, revolves around teamwork. Everything is about your company, your platoon, your squad. It's about a TEAM working together through all kinds of hell to get the job done and hopefully, maybe, survive.
That's why you should stay in touch with your buddies when you get home or when your service is finished. They're the ONLY people who know what you know, who saw what you saw, and did what you did. They're also the best people you can rely on when the demons come calling. You can skip ten-thousand words when you go to them for help, because they already know what happened.
None of them will think you're weak, because all of them have probably gone through the same thing you're going through now. If they haven't gone through it yet, they soon will. You were a part of the team back in that hellhole and you got through it. You can get through it again if you rely on those same team members. Yes, you might be alone when compared to the rest of the population, but you'll be alone together if you rely on your buddies to help you when you need it.
If you haven't stayed in touch with your buddies, then there are others who served who are willing to listen and to help. They might not know exactly what happed in your corner of the war, but they were in their own corner and have some idea. Even if you're talking to someone who served in a different area or maybe a different war, the aftermath is the same once the bullets start flying, the bombs start exploding, and buddies start dying.
Asking someone to listen to you is NOT being weak. Asking someone to sit with you is NOT being weak. Telling a buddy or another Veteran that you're having problems is NOT being weak. Quite the contrary. By asking for help, you are reaching out to a brother or sister who wants to help a comrade. BOTH of you benefit. And, once you know you have help when you need it, you put yourself in a position where you can help others when they start battling their demons.
You are worth more alive than you are dead. No matter how bad your situation is, no one in your family wants you dead. None of them will be "better off" if you're gone. All of them will be worse if you kill yourself. If you don’t believe me, look at the families who have been through burying a loved one. Pay attention to their grief, their confusion, and all of the questions they will never get answered.
Pick up a phone and call a buddy or someone else who has served when you feel the demons approaching. Text someone. Send a message. Send an e-mail. REACH OUT! There are plenty of us who will listen and help.
The guy I was talking to decided to allow his wife to drive him to Urgent Care. After about a 30-minute wait, he was seen by a nurse and then a doctor. I decided to write this while I waited for his wife to message me and tell me what happened. She just let me know that they're keeping him for a 48-hour observation. I advised her to go home and try to get some sleep, knowing that she saved her husband's life tonight.
He's alive because she reached out and he reached out. When the demons come calling, that's what you have to do, too.
By Jeff Seeber
(Originally posted on Facebook on October 7, 2015)
I just spent three hours exchanging messages with a guy who reached the end of his rope tonight. His wife is a Facebook friend of mine and reads the stuff I write, so she contacted me. She convinced her husband to talk to me. After he unloaded some of his demons and I was somewhat sure I had gained his trust, I asked him the same series of questions I ask just about every other Veteran when they're having problems.
I began with "Why didn't you reach out to someone before it got to this point?" The answer is almost always "Because I wanted to handle it myself" or "I didn't want my buddies to think I'm weak."
I can't tell you how mad it makes me when I hear that. Of course, I control my anger and then ask a series of questions that goes something like this ...
Did you get through boot by yourself?
Did you get through advanced training by yourself?
Did you deploy by yourself?
Did you go on patrols (or go on convoys) by yourself?
When the shooting started, did you return fire by yourself?
When your buddy was hit (or when the IED exploded), did you run to help him by yourself?
I ask each question and wait for an answer before asking the next one. Obviously the answers are all "No". Then I ask, "Then why should you try to handle the demons by yourself?"
Everything about serving in the military, especially during war, revolves around teamwork. Everything is about your company, your platoon, your squad. It's about a TEAM working together through all kinds of hell to get the job done and hopefully, maybe, survive.
That's why you should stay in touch with your buddies when you get home or when your service is finished. They're the ONLY people who know what you know, who saw what you saw, and did what you did. They're also the best people you can rely on when the demons come calling. You can skip ten-thousand words when you go to them for help, because they already know what happened.
None of them will think you're weak, because all of them have probably gone through the same thing you're going through now. If they haven't gone through it yet, they soon will. You were a part of the team back in that hellhole and you got through it. You can get through it again if you rely on those same team members. Yes, you might be alone when compared to the rest of the population, but you'll be alone together if you rely on your buddies to help you when you need it.
If you haven't stayed in touch with your buddies, then there are others who served who are willing to listen and to help. They might not know exactly what happed in your corner of the war, but they were in their own corner and have some idea. Even if you're talking to someone who served in a different area or maybe a different war, the aftermath is the same once the bullets start flying, the bombs start exploding, and buddies start dying.
Asking someone to listen to you is NOT being weak. Asking someone to sit with you is NOT being weak. Telling a buddy or another Veteran that you're having problems is NOT being weak. Quite the contrary. By asking for help, you are reaching out to a brother or sister who wants to help a comrade. BOTH of you benefit. And, once you know you have help when you need it, you put yourself in a position where you can help others when they start battling their demons.
You are worth more alive than you are dead. No matter how bad your situation is, no one in your family wants you dead. None of them will be "better off" if you're gone. All of them will be worse if you kill yourself. If you don’t believe me, look at the families who have been through burying a loved one. Pay attention to their grief, their confusion, and all of the questions they will never get answered.
Pick up a phone and call a buddy or someone else who has served when you feel the demons approaching. Text someone. Send a message. Send an e-mail. REACH OUT! There are plenty of us who will listen and help.
The guy I was talking to decided to allow his wife to drive him to Urgent Care. After about a 30-minute wait, he was seen by a nurse and then a doctor. I decided to write this while I waited for his wife to message me and tell me what happened. She just let me know that they're keeping him for a 48-hour observation. I advised her to go home and try to get some sleep, knowing that she saved her husband's life tonight.
He's alive because she reached out and he reached out. When the demons come calling, that's what you have to do, too.